confusion

Well here I am starting back up again. I look back into my life, sometimes too much, and think how did I do that or how did I survive that. Has to be someone watching out for me. But who? God? Angels? My grandma that passed? Deep down I struggle with whats wrong or right, but yet I know. So why am I confused? Why won't I take a step or 2 or 3? What could happen? Its the unknown that scares me. What's out there? Good? Evil? Or both? Why am I afraid? Nothing scares me. I'm beyond brave and bold. So where does this leave me? Empty? Full?