Continued

Well here I am once again. Sitting here thinking about how much God has truly done for me. So back to my story....I was Blessed with a wondeful grandma. She meant the world to me. She helped me along in finding out who I am. She planted a seed and through the years it has been watered here and there by several people that were brought into my life. I loved this wondeful woman of God and was proud to be her grand daughter. I know I gave her a hard time with the ways I were living. She never stopped loving me. Through her I learned what unconditional love was really about. She never turned me away no matter what shape I was in. She would always say I still love you Chris. At times I would cry myself to sleep not understanding why she would love a horrible person like me. I didn't know what to say to her. When she was diagnosed with cancer I prayed so hard that God would heal her. Sadly He didn't and she passed away. I had never lost anyone that close to me so I closed up and starting popping pills and cutting again. I was so mad at God for taking away the only person that I felt loved me. I had MaKayla during the time of my grandmas death. The poor little thing had to deal with me and my depression. (Another story). I think about my grandma on a daily basis and I have a picture of her and my grandpa on my tv stand so I can look at her daily. I smile a lot yet also cry a lot. She was very funny. She always had me laughing to the point of tears. We shopped together. We went out to eat. We played Scrabble and Uno. It was funny with Scrabble because being from Kentucky she had her own ideas of how to say and spell a word. It kept us laughing all the time. She gave me a place of refuge and rest when I had no where to go. She battled the devil over my soul I'm sure on a daily basis. How I long to see her now. I want her to see the woman I have become. I want her to see me singing in the choir. She loved to hear me sing and I loved singing with her as well. I want her to see the new me. I want her to see how the old me is long gone but not forgotten. I still love her and miss her with everything that is within me. I know without a doubt that she watches over me now with a smile on her face. I would love to hug her one more time. But that day will come when we can both worship for all eternally to a God that is the only true God. Save me a seat grandma. Love you and see you soon.